Ira's Interdimensional Push On Closing #14

Let’s Close, I just put the wrap on reading the prayer book that I believe Lionel got for his Bar Mitzvah in 2008, having read every page in both English and Hebrew. Although I’m far from understanding every English phrase, let alone even half of the Hebrew words, it represents a big hurdle for me as a dyslexic, someone surrounded by agnostics and atheists, and by most intents and purposes a mathematician rather than spiritual practitioner. Finishing the whole book, other than teeing me up for the unusual New Years resolution to STOP reading as much (call me for more details if ya curious), got me thinking about how many people have devoted their lives to G-d over how many centuries which got me wondering what form G-d could take for me right now. This got me mulling over what makes meaning and whether or not I really am cool calling the number one item on my list G-d? Am I okay worshipping the number one answer?? Here’s the top three answers as they stand from the last two weeks, 13 updates, and 30 years really: 1. Unconditional love (saying see you later to Porpa): My Dad managed to dodge all of the holiday flight mayhem this year and got himself to the airport and to the ariport in style with that [fresh hat](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Am-HwYWrO53YEDNPe0DFz7UvB6IAfuB_?usp=sharing) he bought in Utrecht. It's intense to have a visitor for so long and then have to go so long without seeing them but it's our new normal and I think we found our rhythm. I built the verbiage to say when I was still in the pre-verbiage part of my day and he stayed up to odd hours of the night making great videos of Morris' sweet sweet [arrival](https://vimeo.com/1153197924/b1291a4f5b?fl=tl&fe=ec) on Earth. There were the smallest comments that were also the most obnoxious, the likes that can only come from a family member within nuclear range, but these just tested the conditions of which there are none that come between our love. It seems the more bonds like these that exist the better off the world would be but is that meaning? Can I bow down to it? 2. Freedom (fireworks): My definition of freedom is in flux because I'm coming from a land that defines freedom as low taxes to a land that has super high taxes but for the past however many years has had a totally unregulated fireworks market... From up high in the Sky Lagoon it made for a New Years spectacular the likes of which I haven't seen in a long time - fireworks for not just hours before and after midnight but DAYS BEFORE AND AFTER AS WELL!!! Everything always seems better when I’ve been perfectly free to come or go as I please and everything seems a little for the shittier when there’s even a trace of coercion. With that being said, if I had pure freedom to do whatever I want would I actually be happier? Would the release of ALL structure serve me better than being coerced into some system that works? Whatever this optimization point is, is that meaning? Can I bow down to it? 3. Peace (getting back to work): One of the best parts of my job right now is the leeway that I am given to not only teach how I want for the most part but what I want too. My bosses also give me a pretty decent amount of freedom too - so long as students aren’t complaining and I stay within a few formatting and content boundaries (which are super reasonable) I can pretty much design and teach my lessons in peace. This of course is so much better than having some administrator breathe down my neck, students jumping off the walls, or some insidious combination of the two as my last two schools looked like. Doing anything in peace becomes exponentially better than even the best parts of life under stress but is that meaning? Can I bow down to it? Whether it's Socrates with his thoughts on the unexamined life or Heisenberg with his less certain ideas on observation it's tricky for me to wrap this blog in good conscience. I have half a mind to never stop writing so I can not only keep one of my best meaning-making operations doing but maybe even build an audience and retire young. I have another mind that sees enough fruit that came out of my move and this blog which documented it all that this season of writing can come to close in love and freedom and peace and I can get on and dig into the big ass dreams that have come out of this all. Either choice can be gratifying and senseless at the same time and the difference depends on how I find G-d. G-d is what makes life meaningful for us and for whom we are okay bowing down. G-d is the number one answer to our meaning-making questions and who we find ourselves open to worshipping. For some it’s a creator, for some it’s some world order that they respect, and for some it could be cold hard cash. Whatever it is, so long as it *actually* makes you happy I think it’s worth making the centerpiece of our lives and for me right now the answer, more and more, is what it's always been. Love, Ira